I blush easily.

Many people have mentioned to me that I should be a comedian.

If only. I would never.

You could not pay me enoughhh to get up in front of anyone, even family to speak for a minute amount of time.

I hate being in groups of people and being the centre of attention, especially if I’m being humorous! I don’t want to get laughed at, I want to make people laugh with me. If that makes any sense at all. I’m comfortable with people one–on–one and that’s often times when the jokster in me comes out and says something funny that isn’t funny at all — I’m not funny in groups at all. That’s when I’m laid back and quiet.

I don’t want to be judged for acting foolish, and I hate it when I’m stared at. I hate public speaking and I most definitely hate it when I have to be the presenter most times at the weekly staff meetings at work. But that last bit has gotten a bit easier, since I’ve been doing it for two painful years now. It’s gotten to the fact that I present things with almost a nonchalant attitude. You know. Just going in there and being all “yaaa this is whatever to me”, because I have to fool my brain like that. Reverse psychology works on me, in every situation possible folks, seriously. Otherwise, the silence in the room when I’m done speaking will make me cringe and wallow down in the seat until it’s someone else’s duty to speak after me.

In regards to public speaking — I think I’ve only done it once in my life.

In grade 7 we had to come up with a commercial and be filmed in front of the class. I was  almost sick to my stomach, wishing I could barf something up so I could claim I was too sick to speak, and absolutely terrified I would get nervous and just stand still and not be able to blurt anything out. So, before any of that could possible happen, I of course rehearsed it in front of my parents, in front of the mirror continuously until I didn’t slip up. Of course, when it came time to present it in front of my class, in front of these kids my age just staring (remember, I hate when I’m stared at! lol) at me — I lost everything I had. I started jumping and skipping over my words which made me so embarrassed. My knees were trembling and I ended up having to cut it out half way through and leave it at that and pretend I was done. That horrified me for life.

Grade 11 was when another public speaking opportunity arose, when I was a little more out of my shell, I had another public speaking thing that I had to present to the class. Thankfully, my neighbor who was probably 8 years old at the time got a brand new Nintendo console (I don’t know if it was the Super Nintendo or the Nintendo 64 or what it was) and we were up late playing the jet ski game and one of the mario kart games. Totally ready and not really that nervous for my presentation (because it was a small class, and one of my favorite classes — Entrepreneurial Studies with a super rad teacher), I didn’t even think about the next day at school. Until I woke up the next morning, for the first (and only) time in my life where I didn’t have a voice. I LOST MY VOICE. Awesome. That was the best gift I have ever received! I loved it. I don’t even remember screaming at the Nintendo all that much. I lost my voice and I never had to do my presentation as it was the last day we had to do it, so I just handed in my paper and voila. That was that.

Interviews are almost the same as public speaking, to me. However after I’ve went to over 36 (I lost count) interviews before finding the one I’m at now I think I may be more comfortable doing them. But of course, one would ask – why did I have so many interviews and not that many job offers? Because I suck. At public Speaking. Obviously my portfolio kept getting phone calls, just the comedian wouldn’t pull through during the interviews. Stumbling, skipping and jumping over words and initially being embarrassed. Until the 10th or so interview, then I started reverting to the “ya this is whatever to me”. That didn’t work either obviously.

In short: Comedians = Require public speaking = Not doable in my books.

So yes. I love to make people laugh. But only a handful at a time, at most. I’m almost positive it doesn’t come out in my writing skills, as I’m not that creative when it comes to writing. More so, spur of the moment silly things I do or say, or even didn’t mean to say. That’s pretty much what it all boils down to.

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  1. The job I just left…required public speaking. I think the largest group of people I ever had was like 85. At first, I hated it. Then I got used to it and it was fine. Then, I began hating it again because I started “losing my passion” for my job (that sounds pretty queer huh). As for interviews, I can do well in them, but apparently it is the before part that needs work. I’ve applied for what seems like a million jobs and have only had one interview (in May). WOE. haha

  2. I guess it’s like me at the staff meetings – you’ll get used to it, if you have to do it soo often, right? I still think I’d have butterflies in my stomach right before I start to speak though. I’d dread it.

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