I do care what other people think.
I try to have the other mentality of I don’t care what anyone thinks and I’d like to think that I walk around like I don’t care. But I probably not-so-secretly send out the insecure vibe. It’s so strange what a woman’s body does. After that time of the month has ended, I can walk around confident as a peacock and strut the hallways and sidewalks, but it’s the exact opposite 3 weeks later. I feel like more of an insecure person and get nervous and shy more easily. I’ve always been an awkward person and it’s only been in the recent few years that I’m slowly accepting that. Now I just go with the flow. If people aren’t going to like who I am, than that is their problem, because I certainly ain’t changin who I am right now. Booshhh!
For instance, whenever I don’t wash my hair in the mornings and use dry shampoo (which is going on month 3 now of “training my hair”) I wonder what people are thinking. If I were to have any super power though, I definitely wouldn’t pick mind-reading. I think that could damage my poor little heart! However, can they tell that I didn’t wash my hair that morning? Are the judging me? Why do I care so much about what other people think? It’s almost like I need just one person’s approval before I think it’s okay to do so. Same goes for basically everything in life. Except everyone elses thoughts on my candy consumption. That I don’t care about. I’ve always been a goody-two-shoes and my Brother has been, well the exact opposite.
Back in 2005 I had vibrant orange and yellow hair. If you’ve been reading that long, remember that? If not, here’s a photo of it just as I came back from the salon. I told my friend (and my stylist) that I wanted something eye catching for a climbing competition I was entering. He twirled me around in the chair and didn’t let me see or know what he was doing for hours, until it was finished.
I was never a daring, bold person with my hair until that moment. Inside, I loved how outrageous it was and how it got me out of my shell. Sure, I got tons of weird looks as colorful hair wasn’t as popular back in 2005. The stink eye was mostly from the elderly. Hey they have purple hair. I don’t know why they judge! I don’t think my parents liked it very much and I was a little sad inside that they weren’t all for it either. It wasn’t permanent like a tattoo was or anything!
However, that orange hair caught the eye of my current boyfriend. 7 years ago we met, and 7 years ago I went to a party with that crazy hair doing chin ups on the main front door frame. Maybe it’s all part of growing up. But I must’ve been comfortable with myself from there after dying my hair. An epiphany perhaps you could say. But I’ve noticed recently in the past 2 or 3 years that I’ve been having the most outrageous scenarios going on in my head.
An example to better explain things is when I was at Ironman Canada triathlon cheering on my Boyfriend, I was sitting on this concrete block where flowers were planted on the inside of this thing. The concrete wall part of it was fairly thick. About a foot or so. I decided not to stand up on it to get a better view up the street to see him coming, because I thought of the things that could go wrong. You see, I would most definitely get very excited to see Scott come down on his bike, wave my Newfoundland flag like a lunatic. Not think about the consequences, jump up and down and fall off the 4 foot concrete container thing, fall into the Ironman bike traffic and cause a huge accident.
Who thinks like that? Does anyone else?
Like, absolutely off the wall thoughts. I think it’s all because of my Boyfriend implanting these thoughts into my head. We live in an older apartment building and often he’ll say If this elevator breaks, we’re going to fall to our death and maybe subliminally I’m always thinking about that. Or, when we were at Canada’s Wonderland on the first few times (and only times) I will ever ride Behemoth again, he said something about how dangerous it was to be one of the first people to ride Behemoth, and if there was any accidents, it would most definitely happen in the first year. We went a few months after Behemoth opened. I felt as if I was being lifted out of my seat.
But that doesn’t stop me from the thrill of doing things. Just randomly a weird scary thought like that pops into my head.
This blog post got off topic, fast. From talking about who cares what anyone thinks, to outrageous scenarios running though my head. Sorry!
So I guess what I’m asking is are you a free spirit, or are you like me and cares what people think of you?
Do you have those outrageous thoughts running through your head from time to time?